Things just can’t go on like this any longer. I cry every night and it seems like I’m forever carrying around a ton of bricks on my shoulders. I’m fed up. I’m tired of standing on a bridge that is still burning and the truth is that I’m about ready to jump. Yeah, that’s right. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Really, how much longer did you expect me to hang on?
Yeah, sure, I was smitten. But when you pulled up in your red Ferrari to take me to the “make-a-million-dollars-in-one-day” conference, I knew that you would cause me nothing but disappointment. But I couldn’t look away… You. Were. Beautiful. Well, except for your teeth – they’re too friggin’ white… It scares me! Remember when I told you that your smile was like a solar eclipse? That wasn’t a compliment… Sure, a man can fix the yellow chompers that make him look old and slovenly, but they don’t need to look like freshly scrubbed bathroom tile. Alas, WHY do you still live in the empty corridors of my mind?
My friends were nothing but nice to you, but you had to @reply them with links to “Britney vids.” I thought you were classier than that. And what about Sally? You know that her weight really upsets her. But you’re an opportunist, aren’t you? After she bought those “cut belly fat” pills from you, she gained 30 lbs, got a bad case of gout, and lost her upper lip. Who will love her now? She’s a lipless freak! Wherever there’s human suffering, there you are… A complete vulture.
And what a grand idea it was to sell my boss that “gain followers” tool… Thanks to you, he got a Trojan horse. Pop ups GALORE during the board meeting. Sure, you got lucky making some money during the dot come boom, but you don’t have any real credentials. When I asked God to send me a “man,” I should have been more specific. I’m just being played and I’m not going to stand by and take it any longer. I have never been anybody’s fool and I’m not going to be yours any more. I’d say “let’s be friends” but I already blocked you on Twitter.
About The Author
Content brought to you by Tanya Roberts, a Vancouver-based marketing consultant that specializes in slick online marketing strategies to rock your website traffic, build your brand, gain leads, and increase sales. Tanya is an experienced marketer, copywriter/editor, freelance writer, internet/online marketing strategist, and social media specialist. You can also find Tanya on Google Plus. Results matter; here are a few of mine